I was but a mere student in the BSMA program, a degree in which some people see as substantially inferior compared to the BSA degree. And, by “some people”, I meant parents disappointed at their children; third parties who see you as someone who failed; and fellow BSMA students ashamed of themselves.
Having to carry these negativities was a burden most of us in the program had in common. Some ended up accepting the fact while some still chase the BSA dream of passing the CPA licensure exam.
Then one day, it came, a pass-now-pay-later scheme offered by Insights Financial Review. Having stumbled upon this opportunity was uplifting. We were already aware of the CMA certification exam before, but most did not have much enthusiasm about taking it at first. Majority were not prepared to gamble huge amount of money to take a test they don’t even know they’ll pass so the idea was easily dismissed. However, this offer eliminated that risk, gave us a push, and so, the CMA title was in our sights. This was actually something exciting because, having ourselves compared to the BSAs was something unavoidable. But with this opportunity to attain the CMA title, a certification that is almost perfectly aligned with our course of study, we can have something we can call our own, something we can be proud of. Sure, other degrees related to it can also take the exam without going through extra trouble, but nonetheless, it was ours.
After having pursued such title and having graduated, I was one of those who still refused to let go of my first goal. I started with a BSA degree; I was stripped off it and got a BSMA degree in its place. I wanted to finish what I started, to give myself a second chance. Still, there were some hesitations. I was asking myself what-ifs: What if I disappoint myself? What if I end up wasting my time? What if I fail again? Because if I did fail, I don’t think I can handle much of it. You see, failure can scar you and it will hurt you. You can always find people saying things like “Failure is a step closer to success”, “You need to fail to win”, and etc., but the people who say these things are people who have already tasted success. We see them as special and we doubt ourselves saying “What if we’re not special? What if the sayings only work for some people and we’re not one of them?” Not all people succeed, we are sure of at least that much. That’s why we are very much afraid of failing.
But you know what I did? I asked the same questions again but differently: How would I know if I will get disappointed? How would I know if it’s a waste of time? How would I know if this time, I’m going to fail again? Because fact of the matter is, whether we succeed or fail, I don’t know that, we all don’t know that. And I concluded that I would rather bear the pain of having failed than bear the pain of not having tried. Wounds can heal but regrets are like ghosts that haunt you forever. Yes, it’s scary but sometimes, we can only prove ourselves by choosing to be brave. And dreams won’t fulfill themselves while we keep ourselves locked up by our own doubts.
I continued my CPA journey despite not having people’s full approval. And I am not exaggerating when I say that it is one of the most difficult times I’ve gone through. I was downright exhausted. It felt so easy to give it all up and the temptation to rest myself was strong. I felt like time was making fun of it, chasing me. I complained about a lot of little things: about why I punish myself with lack of sleep, about why the library isn’t open until 12mn, about not having enough sugar to keep me up. The traffic wasn’t helpful either. I was tired, and everything was frustrating.
And yet, everything was worth it.
You see, we can never really choose what results will be thrown at us. There will always be fears and doubts, and these will always try to hold you back.
Know that your dreams are worth so much more than your fears.
About the Author:
Raiza C. Añonuevo, was born in the province of Ilocos Sur and grew up in Quezon City. She was a consistent honor roll student in Elementary and High School, gained her degree of Bachelor of Science in Management Accounting at University of Santo Tomas (UST), and Bachelor of Science in Accountancy at Chiang Kai Shek College (CKSC). She passed the two-part CMA exam in 2016 having earned the highest score in both parts within the UST-BSMA batch for that year. She was also given an Academic Excellence Award in UST in 2016 and was part of the Dean’s List in CKSC in 2017. She passed the CPA licensure exam in October, 2017.